Into the Fold: Turning Back the Crypto Clock
Part 2 in the series, “Memoirs of a Crypto Giga Chad in Training.”
Oh, if only I could do it all over again… If only I could go back to square one. Back to 2009 and that oh-so-coveted double-click .exe that would have let me mine bitcoin on my trusty Dell Dimension 2400 Pentium 4 with its 8x read-write drive and 3.5" floppy disk slot.
But, let’s not get carried away. That’s a story for another day.
No, Giga Chads never wish to go back in time. That would be a waste of good potential learning opportunities. Or so they tell me.
As a Crypto Giga Chad in training, I can only rely on the words of my betters. Those words are compounded by my own experiences; tempered by my relentless drive to dismantle fear, anger and hate, and reform them into raw potential. Potential for mad gains.
For today’s story, we’ll take one more run down memory lane with Ooze Finance.
Jeepers, mister! We just talked about this. Why Ooze again?
Because, little Timmy, it’s still fresh on my mind. It’s still in my bookmarks. Unlike those other “investments” I made earlier this year which I have since purged from my life and had the great opportunity to write off as losses for tax purposes. At least they were good for that much.
When I first got into Ooze I was really intrigued by how many different possible strategies could be employed to turn a profit. I was ready to buy and deposit a bunch of Ooze and make 1% daily returns. I never thought I’d become a guy who sold NFTs. But I did.
It’s impossible to tell in the world of defi whether the end is approaching, or whether the journey has just begun. I’m not going to pretend I know the future. But, Ooze has a lot of runway ahead of them. The token was just listed on Spooky Swap, the number one DEX (decentralized exchange) on the Fantom network. Their multi-coin bridge has emerged into the light of day as well, and now Ooze can be purchased more easily with a variety of tokens from a variety of networks. Handy upgrades, indeed.
They have some other slick features coming out as well. But I’m sure you’d be happier hopping in their Telegram or Youtube channel to get high as a kite mainlining those details like the information junkie you are. No need for me drone on like an industrial-grade regurgitator hitting all the talking points you can get elsewhere.
Cut the small talk! Let’s fold space-time.
The only way to improve is to learn. To practice. There are no failures, only lessons. There are no successes, only building blocks.
So, while I do not wish to turn back the clock, I absolutely must relive moments of my past to build my future. Analyze for mistakes. Pinpoint the accomplishments.
In the old days, in the depths of my culturally-induced slave mentality, I’d lean on self-deprecation. Any convenient excuse to give up, I’d take it.
Back then I was a failure. A fucking coward, really. It a great deal easier to get drunk and stoned every day, to play video games instead of taking responsibility for my future… But all that was just an excuse so I could brush off hard work and dedication.
Now, by folding space-time, I can go back and erase that failure. Oh, yes. It’s possible. All it takes is a turn of mind, a turn of phrase. A repositioning of mental awareness and a redefining of past events that once seemed rigid.
Let’s fold.
All events are fluid. Memory can alter the past. Nothing is written in stone. Well… except things that were literally written in stone.
And so despite my modest success so far in Ooze, if I could, I would do it all over again. The only problem is, there are so many friggin’ paths of do-over to take.
Let’s explore a few of them.
But first, some ground rules.
If we’re going to fold space-time to end up in a different place in a different time, there have to be some rules. Otherwise we’ll get caught in an infinity spiral of possibility, resulting in a multiversarial paradox. This will inevitably cause AP: action paralysis/analysis paralysis. Time is finite, we can never make more. That’s why action paralysis is your worst enemy. That’s why we must execute!
To illustrate my point, if I’d known Ooze was going to explode after launch, I’d have just liquidated all my assets and maxed out as many wallets in presale as I could. Then sell everything at the top and dip out having multiplied my entire net worth.
But I won’t go back that far. I refuse.
So, let’s execute a conservative entry point as the baseline for this exercise in rebuilding the past. Let’s say I started off maxing out one wallet during presale, which means I could have spent $2000 and received 1992.031 OOZE (at $1.004/Ooze, which was the private presale price).
*OPTION 1: Same plan, altered execution
And now, we enter the mind of the Red Wolf. This was my original plan, pre-launch:
- Purchase two main NFTs that would print my 1% daily returns. The first for team-building (I didn’t build a team), the second for straight compound/claiming.
- Purchase 20 minimum-balance NFTs (10 Ooze each) and sell them on the marketplace. I would name them after action heroes and WWF wrestling legends.
- Make back quick profits by selling the minimum-balance NFTs, and gain more drawn-out profits by compounding and claiming from my NFT deposits.
Here’s what actually happened:
- Launch didn’t go super smoothly. There was some delay, a couple bugs. It was nothing detrimental and was taken care of really quickly by the team. But, it was surprising to me how just a couple hours of questioning could change my strategy. I got shook and realigned my goals (I’m only human, and Chads know you have to adapt). I minted my two main NFTs, but at lower values than I had planned. On one I had made some claims, then sold at 2.5x. The other I still hold and it compound/claims to this day.
- I minted seven minimum-balance NFTs to sell on the market. These sold between 2–3x their initial values.
- I kept the rest of my Ooze as liquid tokens (so I could sell them outright without depositing to an NFT first) and sold between 2–2.5x.
- Ride out the daily ROI with some claiming and compounding.
Now, let’s go back in time with the altered strategy:
- Mint 1 main NFT with 25% of my Ooze. Forget attempting to team-build/shill; it’s just not me to be a team builder. Claim/compound on a varying schedule, favoring claims to compounds at least 2:1.
- Mint 21 smaller NFTs with varying values (3 of each), 10/15/20/25/30/35/40. Stagger selling these over a longer period instead of putting them all on the market for one big fire sale. I could have fetched up to 5.5x with a staggered sales window. Let’s say I averaged a modest 3.5x just for shits and gigs.
- This would leave me with 967 liquid Ooze. Of course, selling the entire bag at the all time high would have been preferred, but let’s get realistic. Let’s say I sold a portion weekly up to and following the ATH, aiming for a net return of 3.5x average again.
- TOTAL: NFT sales at 3.5x net: 1837.5; Liquid sales at 3.5x net: 3384.5 = $5222 which is a profit of 350% so far — pretty damn fine! Damn fine! And we still have the NFT that has been claiming/compounding, which we STILL have in hand! I’m not calculating that. Too much work.
*OPTION 2: The Liquid Lunatic
This method would have minted zero NFTs. I know of one person who actually did this, however I’m not sure how lucrative it has been for them. I can tell you this much: this person did not sell it all at the all time high.
The reason I don’t like this method is because you’re at the mercy of the chart at all times. Without a specific game plan, you’re forced to constantly watch the price and hope you’re selling at the right time. So, for this method, let’s lay out a plan first:
- Sell 200 Ooze once per week for 10 weeks. This would catch the price rising and falling. We’ll start the selling after the anti-dump sell tax was reduced to the normal 10%:
- Week 1: $470 || Week 2: $524 || Week 3: $650 || Week 4: $732 || Week 5: $972 || Week 6: $870 || Week 7: $776 || Week 8: $664 || Week 9: $596 || Week 10: $504 (we’re 8 short of 200 Ooze this week, our total initial Ooze was 1992.)
- 10-week total: $6758 = roughly 3.39x or 339% profit. Hey, not bad! And now you’re out of Ooze. Buy more or say goodbye.
*OPTION 3: Identity Theft
Ooze Finance actually has a villain.
It wasn’t written into the lore or anything. But there’s a Voldemort of Ooze Finance. I’m sure it’s not his fault though. I’m sure he’s just misunderstood. I bet if we really got to know his back story, he’s the real victim here.
I bet it’s all the Ooze flowing through his veins. Maybe he couldn’t control it. Maybe it took him over; turned him into a villain by its sheer, nefarious virtue. Maybe it was the Ooze that turned him into an anti-gay anti-Semite. A referral hungry, claim hungry, hateful, violent demonic presence who has a twisted knack for casting lots to divine the possible futures of degen defi. This perverse fate likely befalls all Gurus in the end. This is the true nature of the Ooze.
I’m kidding. It’s not really Voldemort. I can say his name. It’s Stoned Ape.
If I could go back in time I’d find Stoned Ape and steal his NFT. The MF hit legendary status in his downlines. I’m talking over 1000 indirect referrals. I’m one his direct referrals. But joke’s on him, cause I’m a super shitty team builder. I got no downlines. LOL, HOW YOU LIKE THAT EMPTY DOWNLINE, APE ‘OLE BOY?
Oh, sorry to the new owner of the @OOZE GURU APE, too. I’m a deadbeat downline. But somebody else owns my biggest downline NFT now anyway, so hopefully they’re a better guru than I was. Hey, JC!
Now, I could explore the possibility of compounding more than the Ape did, building a better team, etc... But for the sake of brevity and to collapse the multiversarial paradox, I’m just going to go back in time and become Stoned Ape.
Here’s the Stone Ape strategy as told by the blockchain:
- Compound: pretty much never
- Airdrop downlines: absolutely never
- Claim: daily
- Sell: constantly (I’m not going to scour the chain for these exact details. I have better shit to do, sorry)
- Accumulate and then dump close to the current all time high
- Sell one of the most powerful Ooze NFTs in existence for 52000 FTM
- Let’s break this down into some rough numbers:
-Total NFT deposit: 600 Ooze (-$602.4) [note: initial was actually less than this, and I know that, but I’m running with the current value for simplicity]
-Total Ooze sold: roughly 700 — I have no idea how much was sold at what points, so let’s give this a conservative average estimate of 3x: $2100
-Total NFT sale: 52000 FTM @ $0.36 = $18720 (at the time of sale)
- $18720+2100–602 = 20218, 33.69x or 3369% profit.
Mother of mercy. That’s a fat gain.
Villains just seem to know how to make money. That’s probably why in the movies they always have so many cool gadgets and tons of hot babes chilling in their secret lairs.
Restart time!
Whew. That was intense.
Time travel is fun.
So, what did we learn today? There are many ways to make money in Ooze Finance. But according to my probably incorrect calculations, the most lucrative way is to be the villain.
There are tons of other strategies as well, but to be honest, predicting those potential outcomes is making my head hurt. So I’ll just mention a couple of them by name. I’ve seen some people mint a ton of NFTs in a self-referred downline then sell them all at a discount on the marketplace with the goal of building a team without having to recruit people directly/shill. I’ve also seen one crazy strategy where someone made a 15-deep downline to avoid system wallet taxes on compounding. And then there’s also the SLIME token, which can boost your NFT growth potential and make passive returns from transaction fees. All of these and more can be explored in the Ooze Youtube or in Ooze-related Medium articles.
Busy, busy, busy.
Next time, I’ll do better.
You can learn more about Ooze at https://ooze.finance. Careful out there. Protect ya neck at all times.
Crypto Giga Chad in training OUT.
Did you miss part 1 of “Memoirs of a Crypto Giga Chad in Training?” Find it here: https://link.medium.com/BiQBYCgXjtb
Nothing in this article should be considered financial advice. This post is made for educational and entertainment purposes only.
